Shhhh! Arsenal Are Crap And We All Know It

By Daniel Cowan
In Arsenal
Sep 28th, 2013
29 Comments

Arsenal Is Over-Rated

I’m assuming that anyone reading my blog is aware of my good friend @PoznanInMyPants and this blog from January about why Jack is also overrated but if not please familiarise yourself with it before judging this post.

There are a proportion of Arsenal fans who will have you believe that this could be Arsenal’s year and that years of hurt and selling our best players has seen a simultaneous, albeit quiet, period of building a title-challenging team. These people are wrong and deluded and must be stopped. They will attempt to spread vicious lies like “Look at the players Arsenal have injured. They are going to be even better when we have a fully fit squad”. 

Some will try to say that Manchester United are already too far off the pace but those people are idiots. Manchester United have superstar assist makers like Cleverley and Fellaini, all we have is second-rate wannabe pretenders like Cazorla and Özil.

Defensively Arsenal are very poor. Some people are trying to fool you by saying Arsenal had the second best defence in the league last season but what they don’t tell you is that they are really talking about the ladies team.

Everyone knows that Arsenal needed a defensive midfielder this summer and all they ended up with was this Italian dude called Flamini from AC Milan who has no experience of the Premier League and spent most of his career playing at left-back and playing badly. He doesn’t know anything about marshalling the players around him, making important tackles, pressing the opponents or protecting the back four.

If you want to know anything about Arsenal’s qualities all you need to do is look at Ramsey and Giroud. Two of the worst players in the Premier League last season and they are currently the best of a bad bunch. It says it all about how shit Arsenal are that Ramsey is our best player and Giroud not far behind. Neither could score in brothel with a hand full of fifties and Ramsey’s passing is shocking.

At best Arsenal are a Europa League team and would be lucky to finish within 15 points of real title contenders like Liverpool or Tottenham who sold their worst player and replaced him in the squad with £107m worth of top class talent that makes our purchase of Özil look like a tin of Lidl beans from the whoops shelf.

Don’t be fooled. Arsenal have an awful squad full of awful players who can’t win a game when they are playing well let alone when they are playing poorly. Arsenal have no chance of winning the title so it’s best not to get your hopes up.

Don’t by into the media hype, or do if they are writing us off, and don’t go around on Twitter, Facebook or any public place and wax lyrical about Arsenal. If you need to do that make sure you are in a safe place, away from prying ears and eyes and then only whisper it very quietly to a friend you know shares your sentiment so they can nod solemnly in agreement and leave it at that.

Arsenal don’t want to be taken seriously as title contenders and we certainly don’t want the opposition to think we might be hard to play against and they need to step it up. Most of all, we don’t want real title contenders like Liverpool, Spurs, Chelsea, City or United to take dropping a few points seriously because they know we’re too poor to capitalise on it.

So when Arsenal have an okay game, please say we were shit. When we have a great game say “meh” or “I’ve seen better”.

When Ramsey scores say it was a fluke and he should be playing in the Championship. Say Giroud is crap and should turn to modelling as he’d be better at that than scoring goals. Remind everyone that Özil is an overrated Madrid reject who wishes he was as good as Danny Rose let alone Eriksen. Write blogs about how Cazorla has no control, no ability and no fucking clue. Tweet about how shit Mertesacker and Koscielny are and how Gibbs is like Danny DeVito in Twins, the reject DNA from the Schwarzenegger-eqsue specimen that is Kyle Walker.

And if you hear anyone else saying anything different, join Poznan and I in saying “Shhhh!”

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About "" - 465 Posts

I am a South London born Gooner now living in Leigh-On-Sea, Essex. I'm a husband, daddy, podcaster, trainer enthusiast and aspiring author. My work is my passion and for that I will always be grateful. Here is where I write my thoughts and views on Arsenal Football Club, the greatest team the world has ever seen.

29 Responses to “Shhhh! Arsenal Are Crap And We All Know It”

  1. Olumide says:

    “Shhhh!” Arsenal are shit and we all know it…….lol

  2. pico says:

    Wonder use of they language. Superb artical.

  3. what an interestinh article.Gunner 4 all i care

  4. Wonder Boy says:

    God!Who is this fool that wrote this comment? Which team that Robin Van Persie play for the past 8 seasons before joining the “Greatest Cheat” in the EPL. Why did I name them the “Greatest Cheat”. Look back at all the past many seasons, you will find out. You know why Manchester United lost the 2 consecutive games in a row? The answer is simple as ABC, Sir Alex Ferguson could no longer exercise his influence(as he has retired)to make the man in black award cheap penalties to kick start their season. Many Manchester United fans have over estimated the strength of their team. Honestly, Manchester United are no where near the Real Madrid and Barcelona. Look at Manchester United’s Champions League portfolia, it is so evidently clear. Sir Alex Ferguson can dictate his way in the Premier League but the UEFA Champions League. The retirement of this great maestro called Alex Ferguson, finally restore impartiality in the English Premier League.

  5. shadow says:

    Fellow gooners!! Arsenal is SSSHHHHIIIITTTT!!!!.

  6. Wonder Boy says:

    God!Who is this fool that wrote this comment? Which team that Robin Van Persie play for the past 8 seasons before joining the “Greatest Cheat” in the EPL. Why did I name them the “Greatest Cheat”. Look back at all the past many seasons, you will find out. You know why Manchester United lost the 2 consecutive games in a row? The answer is simple as ABC, Sir Alex Ferguson could no longer exercise his influence(as he has retired)to make the man in black award cheap penalties to kick start their season. Many Manchester United fans have over estimated the strength of their team. Honestly, Manchester United are no where near the Real Madrid and Barcelona. Look at Manchester United’s Champions League portfolia, it is so evidently clear. Sir Alex Ferguson can dictate his way in the Premier League but not the UEFA Champions League. The retirement of this great maestro called Alex Ferguson, finally restore impartiality in the English Premier League.

  7. shep says:

    Sarcastic bastard lol

  8. crazeemunky says:

    shhhhhh

  9. Dom says:

    Can’t wait for people who can’t grasp sarcasm. The comment section should light up pretty soon.

  10. Sparx says:

    Got to paragraph 2 and stopped reading. Just support your team and stop slagging ours off YID!!

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      First off, Yid is an offensive term to many Gooners, it is not an acceptable adjective for Spurs supporters. Secondly, it’s a pisstake blog.

  11. Lukas says:

    Flamini is french numbnuts

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Thanks. I must remember not to change nationalities next time I write a joke blog because that’s clearly a step too far.

  12. Wonder Boy says:

    God!Who is this fool that wrote this comment? Which team did Robin Van Persie play for the past 8 seasons before joining the “Greatest Cheat” in the EPL? Why did I name them the “Greatest Cheat”? Look back at all the past many seasons, you will find out. You know why Manchester United lost the 2 consecutive games in a row this season? The asanswer is as simple as ABC, Sir Alex Ferguson could no longer exercise his influence(as he has retired)to make the man in black award cheap penalties to kick start their season. Many Manchester United fans have over estimated the strength of their team. Honestly, Manchester United are no where near the Real Madrid and Barcelona but many of their ardent fans think otherwise. Look at Manchester United’s Champions League portfolia, it is so evidently clear. Sir Alex Ferguson can dictate his way in the Premier League but not the UEFA Champions League. The retirement of this great maestro called Alex Ferguson, finally restore impartiality in the English Premier League.

  13. Felix Dire says:

    If you want to shoot, shoot dont talk.ssshhhhh i strongly agree with you. Up Gunners.

  14. Purpinkx says:

    Ssshhh … You just want fans to comment out of anger

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Yes, anger is exactly what I was going for. My school teachers taught me that the best way to anger someone is to write a joke blog and put it in front of people with no sense of humour.

  15. eyu says:

    You are full of shit and we all know it……ass hole!

  16. NigerianGooner says:

    Shhhhhhhh….we s***t and we know it. Ses who is @ the top. looooool…nice read man, keep it up.

  17. mimik says:

    we have an easy start with games against villa..sunderland….stoke..swansea…fulham….the toughest is Spurs…judge them after they perform against the man city
    …man utd…chelsea…liverpool…

  18. Sav from Australia says:

    Brilliant read, Daniel. Lol at some of the comments ahahahaa

  19. lawatar's says:

    for those who are dumb side down ..we are as deadly as rockets!

  20. Double Canister says:

    @Lukas
    Flamini is Corsican, numb nuts. (Yeah I know it’s part of France).

    Great post Daniel.
    This giddy over excitement among Gooners must be a new feeling for some of them.
    It’ll be back to normal for them, if we loose one single game now.

  21. george says:

    kkkkkkk,yes we are shit, look at how our north london rivals have beefed up their squad and we bought a reject ozil(>>>only the reject became like the most expensive german player….shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)…and well we kind of beat the well beefed up spurs, shhhhh we are crap kkkkkk nice one dan.

  22. TommyGooner says:

    I knew there would be a couple of people who don’t understand sarcasm and we would have a few “I lov me club and da prof til def, how der u insult me gunnaz” but jeez! Almost 90% of the commenters are bleedin’ fools!

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