Jokes

Football jokes, mainly at the expense of Spurs.

The innocent children of Africa, their childhoods stolen, ripped from the arms of their crying parents. Soon unable to defend themselves they must learn to shoot, whilst a baying mob of savages cheer them on. Most will never learn to read or write, there are no medals for these brave lost causes, no victory, no respite. We must make the world aware, we must not turn our back….ARSENE WENGER 2012.

My new boss tried to play a prank on me because I’m Arsenal and he is Spurs. He sent me to the shops for tartan paint and a ‘Long Weight’. I came back and said they didn’t have any tartan paint but they did give me this for a long weight as I handed him a “Spurs – League Champions” shirt.

Going to McDonald’s for a salad? That makes about as much sense as going to White Hart Lane to see a league trophy

My wife says there is nothing more painful than childbirth. Clearly she’s never watched a Spurs fan try to convince other people that they support a big club

Moses parted the Red Sea, Jesus turned water into wine, Spurs turned one double into 50 years of being a ‘big club’… Now that’s impressive

Your mum’s so old, she remembers when X Factor was just Roman sunscreen. Well your mum’s so old she remembers when Spurs last won the league

One day a primary school teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.. All the typical answers came up — fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Barnaby was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher encouraged him to share what his father did for a living. After a bit of coaxing Barnaby relented and explained what his dad did for a living.

“Okay…my father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with the guy and stay with him all night for money.”

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Barnaby aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” said Barnaby, “he actually runs the Tottenham Hotspurs fan club, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class.’