Lets Laugh At Spurs: An Old Arsenal Poem

By Daniel Cowan
In Arsenal
Jun 2nd, 2013

I’ve been clearing out the garage this weekend and buried deep in an old box was loads of old Arsenal programmes, official magazines and a shed load of memorabilia and newspaper clippings that I had pretty much forgotten about.

Some of it may feature on NLIR in the future but today I want to share a newspaper clipping that had me in stitches all over again. I’d love to credit the original publishers but as I only cut out the poem and have never had much loyalty when it came to the tabloids I cannot.

Here is the original poem:

The problem with Tottenham is nobody bothered
Until one Sunday in April when, horror of horrors.

The Arsenal turned up with the title in sight
It was too late to weep – it was too late to fight.

And then Tottenham men realised what fools they had been
To accept second-best as a club, as a team.

Is there light in the tunnel? It’s too early to tell
Because Spurs need good players and a good boss as well.

They search throughout Europe, they look far and wide
To find someone to manage this terrible side.

They’ve been over to Italy and seen Trappattoni
(Though many insisted their interest was phoney).

Giovanni, he listened and, eyes filled with glee,
Said: “Manage in London? Next season? Who, me?

I’d be highly delighted, It’s right up my street;
Three million up front, ninety grand a week.

When can I get started? I’m ever so keen
I’ve always admired your Arsenal team.”

The Spurs men, their faces were creased up with pain:
“We’ve not come from Highbury, we’re from White Hart Lane.”

The Italian smiled, shook them all by hand
And said: “Gentlemen, sorry, I’ve other things planned.”

The moral of this story: He’s a wise man, old Trap.
Better stick with ARsenal because Tottenham are crap.

They may be a little closer to us now but come next season I think we’ll be looking at the gaps of old again.

As the King would say “We put them out and we went in…. AGAIN”

So let’s all laugh at Tottenham and remember:

North London Is Red (Image © NLIR 2013)

North London Is Red (Image © NLIR 2013)

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About "" - 509 Posts

I am a South London born Gooner now living in Leigh-On-Sea, Essex. I'm a husband, daddy, podcaster, trainer enthusiast and aspiring author. My work is my passion and for that I will always be grateful. Here is where I write my thoughts and views on Arsenal Football Club, the greatest team the world has ever seen.

72 Responses to “Lets Laugh At Spurs: An Old Arsenal Poem”

  1. Bill says:

    Yes my grandad left me some programmes he found from his old nic nac shop of when you were from WOOLWICH!! It’s funny coming across old stuff,you imposters.ILMAO.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Arsenal were in North London for 52 years before Spurs were. Fact. http://northlondonisred.co.uk/proof-that-north-london-is-red/ Go back to Middlesex mate.

    • Bill says:

      We are the one of pioneers of football!! Look at our history on Wiki!You go back to school.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      What is that even supposed to mean? You were founded a few years before us? You won a trophy before us? Whoop dee doo. You haven’t been ahead of Arsenal in over 80 years.

      WIKI! WIKI!? Hahaha. Priceless mate, just priceless.

    • Bill says:

      Won a Trophy before you? ARE YOU FOR REAL LOL. 1st club to do the double 20th century! 1st british club to win in europe! 1st british club to win two different european cup comps !! You silly gooner ILMAO.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      And? We’ve done the double 3 times. We’ve won the league at your place. Twice. The same amount of times you have won it total. You probably can’t even remember Totteringham winning the league. I’ve seen Arsenal win the league 5 times in my life time.

      Don’t try to make out your club is better than mine, it’s fruitless and stupid.

    • Bill says:

      80 years? Your Silence Is Golden.Shhhhhhhhoooooshhhhh 🙂

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Yes, in terms of league trophies. Arsenal have been ahead in terms of league titles won since 1931, that was over 80 years ago. http://northlondonisred.co.uk/proof-that-north-london-is-red/

    • Bill says:

      My Point was, SPURS did Great things before you!

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Congratulations on doing great things but you can’t talk about your history and at the same time trot out the “8 years no trophies” line. Don’t get me wrong, I respect Spurs for their achievements just as much as I respect any club that achieves something but don’t make out like Arsenal are some two-bob mid-table club because facts are we are one of the biggest clubs in the country. Spurs are miles behind in almost every respect apart from team quality. There isn’t much difference between our sides at the moment but the big difference is, we don’t have any stars angling to leave or in the last year of their contract or being coveted by other clubs. You do. You may well struggle to hold onto Bale this summer. We are light-years ahead financially and this summer we can spend big if we want to. When the window closes I’ll make my judgement over whether Arsenal are year ahead quality wise again but for now the fact is we are ahead by enough to keep you lot out of the Champions League again.

    • OfftheShel says:

      I am not sure of the date but I believe it was in the 60’s that the north bank of the Thames was changed from Middlesex to London, if you listen to the commentary of the Boat Race you will find that the north bank of the Thames is referred to as the Middlesex Bank this of course would include the cess pit that your club inhabit.
      If there was any more doubt you will find that the new Supreme Court in Parliament Square used to be the Middlesex Guildhall.
      You are totally wrong — North London is WHITE and will remain so.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Islington has always been part of London. Tottenham only since 1965. Seriously, as I keep telling you Spuds, history books.

    • OfftheShel says:

      Islington was part of Middlesex as was the whole of the north bank of the Thames up to Essex. You only believe what you want to especially when the truth hurts.
      Your original move from Woolwich was an attempt to move into Fulham, you weren’t allowed to, so like good little late comers you moved to where you were told to by the FL.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      No Stu, stop reading Wiki. Islington has been a London borough since the London Government Act 1899 and a Civil Metropolitan Parish between 1855 and 1899.

    • My Heart Is White says:

      Oh dear poor Daniel, seems you don’t understand that in the real world bent politicians move the borders to make their constituencies bigger or smaller. In your case the borders didn’t move, YOU DID! In fact aren’t there any benefits that you can tap in to, as you actually come under the minority group known as TRAVELLERS! In our case we have always been here regardless of what the politicians want to call the area for their own benefits. I know why you all wanted to move, it’s because you were from Plumstead. After all only a complete PLUMB would come up with such a poor poem with no imagination at all and to top it off, only a complete PLUMB would find it really funny! A parcel of Arsenal came from the south east. On to a home they’ve newly leased. Yet again they got itchy feet. Highbury’s the next home to delete. The travellers troop, that arrogant group. Leaving two homes is quite low to stoop.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      PLUMB… oh dear. Is that the best you can do?

      Both times we moved was because we were denied planning permission. Tottenham know about such things as they’ve faced it too.

    • OfftheShelf says:

      This was of course long before Woolwich’s enforced move to Highbury because of the rejection from Fulham. Once again the whole of the North bank of the Thames up to the rive lea was in Middlesex and it was from the bank of the Thames out as far as Enfield, this includes Islington. You choose one piece of information that happens to suit you and forget the rest which is the real truth.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      No it wasn’t. Islington was in the County of London before Arsenal moved there and remained a part of the county of London before it became the London Borough of Islington in 1965. Tottenham was in the County of Middlesex. Get your facts straight.

    • OfftheShelf says:

      Islington was in N. London along with Tottenham long before the Woolwich team attempted their move to Fulham. Once again the whole of the north bank of the Thames was Middlesex up to the River Lea which was the border with Essex.
      Enfield is in Middx but is a London borough as is Redbridge and Havering. Tottenham has had a London post code as long as has Islington.
      You only quote what suits you and not the whole truth.
      As for Wikipedia I expect you regularly contribute. North London is White and always will be.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Middlesex is white. North London was red from 1913-1965….. and has been red from 1965 to present day.

      Post codes… don’t make me laugh. You’re clutching now. Tottenham was in the county of Middlesex until 1965 when the London Government Act 1963 created London Boroughs. Islington however was in the County of London. Islington is now an Inner Borough whilst Haringey, where Totteringham are is an Outer Borough. These are facts, that they suit my agenda is purely coincidence.

  2. Bob says:

    You had a lot of success but success brought to you by the French….If supporting Arsenal involves sucking off a load of Frenchmen, then I’d rather not. Cheese eating surrender monkies! Fourth place again boys there’s progress…….even Wigan have more silverware….bet RVP is gutted he left

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Sol Campbell won the league twice with Arsenal equally the amount of times Spurs have won it in total so I don’t really think you lads are in a position to talk to us about silverware. Typical Spuds, lowering the tone by getting all xenophobic. I’m sure there are a lot of Totteringham supporters that would be ashamed of you. http://northlondonisred.co.uk/proof-that-north-london-is-red/

  3. lloyd says:

    I love it!!!!!! Spurs players and fans are all a bunch of buggers!!!!!!! I laugh in there faces, all of them!! Especially the ones who talked so much shit in the final stages of the campaign, eat shit!!!!! ps. I’m talking to you Jan, and you AVB. Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Ivor Biggun says:

      You sad gooners. Get a life. They don’t do trophies for 3rd and 4th place…As long as your happy winning nothing and keep getting knocked out of the CL….Everyones’s laughing at you bunch of tossers…lol!!
      Fuck off back to Woolwich…North London is ours!!

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      “Ivor Biggun”, you sad little man. It’s you’re not your. At least we’re in the champions league pal. North London is in fact Arsenal’s. We were there for 52 years before you cretins became a part of North London. Fuck off back to Middlesex and learn a bit about your own history on the way. Mug. http://northlondonisred.co.uk/proof-that-north-london-is-red/

  4. Vic says:

    Don’t let the lack of trophies stick in your craw
    Again you finished above us – seems like it’s the law

    Recent years have seen us huff and then puff
    But dammit, it’s never been quite good enough

    The last two years saw us open a gap
    But you caught then overtook us – I take off my cap

    I urge you all to smile and laugh- I don’t care
    There’s a change a comin’ I can feel it in the air

    If you’re all honest you can feel that change too
    You know in your hearts that we’re coming for you

    So poke out that chest feel proud of the past
    Enjoy gloating my friends for it’ll be your last

    Wenger’s a spent force just wait and you’ll see
    New times are here and I’m talking AVB

  5. THFC says:

    How come i never see songs or poems from Spurs but always these disrespectful things from Arsenal? Because your are deluded disrespectful pieces of s***. F*** you, f*** Arsenal. And if you think you are getting away next year.. you are a F*cking idiot.

  6. Glic says:

    Anything that puts the Spuds down is good for the soul !. 🙂

  7. soheres wherethecretins are says:

    Love the laugh at Spurs article followed by the comment from a gooner cretin. Take a bow LLoyd!! “I laugh in there faces.” THERE,THERE, Lloyd, they’re all laughing thTHEIR socks off at the pillock that makes a total prat of himself. Or is English not your first language. The irony of it!!!!

  8. Oggie says:

    Well I have to say after reading the so called poem that I am pleased it is associated with Arsenal and not Spurs. It just about sums up their own abilities. Lacking!
    Move over Arsenal and the rest, the re-ignition of not just the greatest side in London but Britain is about to set the world alight, not just play at it like that other North London team.

    The good thing about Arsenal,
    must be their name.

    It starts of with Arse,
    Which seems such a shame.

    But when you look deeper,
    You see this is right.

    Cos just like their poem,
    They’re all full of shite.

    Even their coach,
    Has Arse in his name.

    But no need for Wanger,
    To take all the blame.

    This team of so nearly,
    But never just quite.

    Can watch from below us,
    The future is bright.

    So gloat on that season,
    For that was your last.

    You’ll always be Gooners,
    And always be Arse.

  9. Alan says:

    What an utter loser. Instead of enjoying the weather and generally having a life you decided to spend probably all day on this crap. Typical arsehole fan.

  10. n17 says:

    You can tell you guys didnt get held enough as children or even bullied badly in school. Rather be a yid than a sister shagging inbred celebrating the fact that you havent won a major trophy in over 8 years. You really are the biggest wasters in th pl.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      How original, “8 years no trophy”. Remind me how many major trophies Spurs have won in their history? Remind me how many leagues you have won? Typical Spud lowering the tone.

  11. yeah says:

    The trouble with le Arse
    Is the fans failure to see the farce

    A selling club is what they’ve become
    With 2nd rate journeymen, oh what fun

    Oh celebrate yet another trophy less year
    And pretend yours will be next year

    And for all the prestige of the champions league
    You go and sign gervinho for more than 50p

    The truth is that you are being taken from behind
    From the board and whinger and you don’t mind

    So Europe laugh at how the arse have fallen
    While you whoop with joy instead of cry


    • Daniel Cowan says:

      That was poor, even for a Spud. At least the other guy had a bit of flair and decent prose.

  12. realworld says:

    Well whatever!!!!
    I must say that i looked up the day I was born. 11-05-1972
    Guess what Arsenal played Spurs in the NLD on that very day. And yeeeeeeeeeessssssssss the super Spurs scored a 2-0 away win. I looked the game up & managed to get the programme of that very game. Always gives me pleasure to look at. We all have memories hey? Well yep Arsenal keep us a t bay – just about these days but Im sure some day in the future whether near or far the tables will turn & we will always be rivals.
    Saying Spurs are rubbish is quite an easy way out of recognising that games between our two clubs now matter. They didnt up until 5 years ago. I think pipping your main rivals by a point should be celebrated with just a touch of humility – 20 points ahead then fair enough we had to take that but just face it & accept there is now genuine competition between the 2 clubs!!!!!
    Maybe calling Spurs rubbish helps you put the imaginary ‘large gap’ you guys there is between the 2 clubs….. its your shout I suppose but it was ONE POINT & the huge relief on your players’ & supporters faces after 90 mins at St James told the true story…. all the best for next season hope maybe next time with a touch of favour we may just pip you!?!!?

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      I think the look on your faces when you thought it was 1-1 tells the true story. I also think you miss the point. I concede that we are closer these days and enjoy the rivalry that little bit more for it but this post was about an old newspaper clipping that I found amusing. You are a Spurs fan so you wouldn’t find it amusing which is fair enough. You enjoy looking at the programme from the day you were born, I wouldn’t.

      However, thank you for at least commenting like a grown up. Many of your fellow fans could learn a thing or two.

    • Gunnermike says:

      One point or twenty points makes little difference. It still provides a gap. This is just another end of season with Spuds fans saying “wait until next year when we will overtake you” We are still waiting.

  13. rob says:

    Wow, I too am in stitches. Literally on the floor with tears rolling down my cheeks. You really have a great sense of humour.

  14. gio says:


  15. Gonner Hater says:

    Ha ha ha. Were there any picture of trophies in those old programmes so you can remember what they look like?

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Yeah they look like this
      Sol has 2

    • realworld says:

      Well Gonner Hater – it may only be a league cup but I think you’ll find I dont have to look as far back as that programme to see Ledley lifting a trophy. Hate to remind you but its the only trophy raised in North London in……… Well about 8 years!!!!!!
      More thought out comments please – youre just too easy!!!

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      You know he’s a spud right?

      King may have lifted a league cup and Arsenal may have gone 8 years without a trophy but if you could swap places are you saying you wouldn’t?

      Are you saying you would prefer a league cup over a state of the art stadium that triples your revenues, 16 years in the CL and millions of pounds to spend to quality players now that the stadium money isn’t eating into transfer money. Would you exchange all of that for 8 years without silverware or keep the league cup?

      In the grand scheme of things Arsenal aren’t exactly doing badly and 8 years is nothing to a 127 year old club. I’d love some silverware but it’s a sacrifice worth paying in the short term for all the long term benefits. Tottenham aren’t run by mugs so they know what we’ve done is right and they’re trying to do the same hence the Olympic Stadium bid.

  16. Gonner Hater says:

    NLIB, Woolwich is red! Fuck off back there!

  17. realworld says:

    So youre laughing are you – did you mean to put that overly informative post on Facebook. Keep laughing – just a guess but are you under 25? I would put a few quid on that you are….
    Anyway thanks for your amazingingly profound input smiler!!!!

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      You’d have lost your money. Probably like when you lose your money betting on Spurs getting into the Champions League or finishing above Arsenal.

    • realworld says:

      Daniel the ‘laughing’ comment was aimed at a comment by Rob not about your article.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Fair enough.

    • My Heart Is White says:

      Daniel Cowan has answered many of the posts and has used the same backwards answer to anyone telling the arse to go back to Woolwhich (Plumstead). He doesn’t get it. He thinks that arse have been in N. London longer than Spurs because the name of the area where Spurs have always been was changed. Unfortunately for him, arse moved, Spurs didn’t. Spurs have been in the AREA longer than arse. Isn’t it funny, how desperate they are to remove the thorn in their side, so much so that they come up with ridiculous details to settle their pathetic issues. You are travellers! I can re-post the same thing too, see. The reason why arse left Highbury, was because there was nowhere for them to keep their caravan.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Tottenham have been in the area that is now known as North London for longer than Arsenal that is true but the fact is, Arsenal were in London and North London longer than you. It’s a simple fact. We don’t give a shit what area we are from because we’re still far better than you.

  18. Nik says:

    This just made my day

  19. Big Mal says:

    An Arsenal website with something very unfunny about Tottenham. Now there’s a surprise. How the big teams laugh at Arsenal laughing at Tottenham. How the mighty have fallen and continue to fall.

  20. Aaron says:

    Don’t really know why this has appeared on the Spurs media page so don’t be surprised to hear from a few more Tottenham fans. Only thing I will say is what necessarily makes you think this is the year you lot will pull away and dominate again? Surely with you being in the champions league ahead of us the last few seasons it would have happened then? I personally think the gap in quality has gone or at least very much so shortened you guys just have that winning mentality when it matters to just about get over the line. Anyway I’m not here to wind up or start an argument just reacting to something that has appeared on the Spurs website. Cheers

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Two things make me think we’ll pull away. 1) I’m an Arsenal supporter and I believe in my team just like any other supporter believes in theirs. 2) This is finally the summer that Arsenal can afford to invest in the team since our move to the Emirates. If we don’t then I am on record as saying I think we’ll have another tough scrap for 4th.

    • realworld says:

      I think the top-4 next season will be the same as this year. I truly think Spurs will struggle. I think they will be in a scrap with Liverpool for 5th place TBH. Sadly for us Spurs lost their momentum when Chelsea got our 4th place last year. We would have had Hazard, Damiou, Willian & Modric would have stayed. That, I believe is where we lost our opportunity to overtake Arsenal. We have done much better 2012/2013 than I thought we would. Heartbreaking to have got close but we were punching above our weight? AVB did well & this ‘negative spiral’ comment wasnt a prophecy he was jut happy to continue a rival’s poor run – At that time. It was an observation nota comment about the future run in. I remember Arsenal fans on the blogs calling for Wenger’s head after losing to Spurs, so they were feeling the negativity AVB commented on…..?

  21. simbo says:

    Typical arsenal gooners…like little kids!! whatever makes you happy.

  22. ArsenalAndrew says:

    Not sure which is more entertaining – the original post or the outstandingly amusing comments that follow (and ALL accidentally confirming NLIR!!).

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      I know, it’s amazing. Most of them are using fake email addresses so they get the default NLIR avatar. Priceless.

  23. NORTH London since 1882 says:

    BREAKING NEWS SKY SPORTS. A theft has taken place at the Emptycrates stadium trophy room. A red carpet and a bare cabinet are said to be missing, the constable said whilst laughing. Woolwich filth

  24. Johnno says:

    Love it, youve wound a few of these stinking Yids up here my old son. Also enjoyed reading about the achievements of both clubs whilst in North London. Spot on mate and it is an argument I have often used myself whenever I hear one of them tell me to piss off back to Woolwich. These stinking Yids dont even know their own miserable history, you would have thought most of them would as it would only take them about 30 or 40 minutes to learn it. Apart from a few decent Cup sides they have fuck all else. 2 League titles in their whole sorry history and The Arse have won it more times at the Piggery than they have, haha, what a Mickey Mouse club. Something that always winds me up is when people talk about The NLD, what a load of old cobblers that is. I dont even see it as a London derby, the spuds arent even a London club. They are a bunch of Middlesex swamp dwellers and have spent more time playing in Middlesex than they have London. Maybe they could all move back there when they build their new piggery, thats if they ever get round to building it of course. When you look at some of the crowds they get for Cup ties it makes you wonder why they want a bigger piggery, they cant even fill their current one. Anyway mate, cheers for the articles and you are bang on, NLIR, COYFR.

  25. JackW says:

    Keep up the good work… Always too easy winding up the spuds 😉 ps – enjoyed the pic of sol! Happy days will be back soon (well before spurs! 😉 ).

  26. GMAN says:

    Really makes me laugh how all of a sudden Arsenal fans are right laying it on thick against Spurs, the reason for this is simple. Tottenham have caught up with Arsenal. As a mutual I can give an unbiased opinion on this. For the last few years arsenal are no longer a threat for the title, far from it. Gone are the days of Henry, Viera, petit ect ect watching the embarrassing celebrations after finishing 4th yes celebrating 4th place like it was a cup win I think was more relief that they got away with it. If and it’s a big IF Tottenham manage to keep Bale this season I can see them finally overtaking Arsenal.

  27. Nir says:

    Lovely Poem mate, lets laugh at spuds!! and what makes it even more special is all these spuds fans are here making judgement …LMFAO… As if they know what it means to be a real football fan.
    North London is Red! Lets laugh at spuds

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