Arsenal are a joke

By Daniel Cowan
In Arsenal
Feb 3rd, 2014

Twitter is simultaneously a wonderful place to engage, discuss and debate football with my fellow Gooners, and fans of other clubs, and a plague. The horrible gnawing sensation I get at the back of my head when I read some of the stuff that is sent to me leaves with me a heady, sick feeling in my stomach when I try not to react to some of the stuff I see.

I have a very imbalanced timeline, I accept that. I mostly follow people who have a similar attitude towards the team as I do but I also follow those are have the opposite opinion to me on most things and those with militant positivity/negativity – neither are stances I subscribe to.

The people I follow who are completely different from me all generally share the same trait – the ability to express their opinions in an intelligent and/or respectful way. As such you would expect that my timeline would be free of dolts and if you are true to Twitter’s definition of “timeline” you would be right. I do not follow any dolts.

Sadly, however, I do have an extremely busy mentions page/timeline/call-it-what-you-will and this is the place I have idiocy thrust under my nose on an unrelenting basis. What makes it quite infuriating is most of the people who send me their illogical, and often ridiculously ill-informed, opinions don’t follow me either – I can only assume what I tweet or discuss with others is picked up via a shared connection and they feel compelled to force their bilge onto me.

Sometimes I bite, mostly I just ignore and other times I take to Twitter to have a little rant about it to soothe the gnawing feeling in my head. On occasions, like today, I take to my blog to share a few views. There are many opinions that have been thrust my way recently, mostly relating to the quality of our team, lack of signings and pessimisms about our ability to compete but the one that has caused this blog is the view that Arsenal are a joke for not buying anyone in January.

When you ask the few that seem able to offer a comprehensible reply why Arsenal are a joke the answer tends to be something along the lines of “fuck shit bollocks fuck fuck, Wenger cunt arsehole, didn’t buy anyone, finish fourth again, no fucking ambition”. Intelligent, succinct and compelling. I have sent off for my welcome pack.

It did get me thinking though and do you know what? I agree – Arsenal are a joke and I am laughing my head off at how funny we are. Let me tell you my thinking.

At the end of last season, after watching the disloyal badger lift the Premier League trophy with United and seeing Arsenal scrape fourth again, expectations were at an all-time low. We had sold off pretty much every single top-class talent we had and in the view of many, replaced them with less talented players.

Our wage bill was at an all-time high yet our stock hadn’t been so low. It also seemed that little to no effort was being made to improve the team aside from the underwhelming signings of a crocked youth player and an ex-player on a free whilst all of our rivals plunged millions of pounds into improving their squads.

Then we lost to Aston Villa on the opening day and it was clear to everyone that Arsenal would have a job getting into the top six. Things looked up a bit when we signed Mesut Özil for a club-record fee but signing a player in a position we were already stacked whilst ignore the deficiencies of the rest of the team was hardly going to change our fortunes right?

We started to pick up points but we didn’t get our hopes up because everyone knew how fragile our squad was. Then we drew to West Brom and we all knew the good form was just a flash in the pan – these were our true colours.

Arsenal bounced back but then a defeat to the worst Manchester United team in 25 years showed how we had just been lucky with fixtures, facing weak teams and we had failed our first real test – Spurs, Napoli, Liverpool and Dortmund weren’t “real” real tests, they were just test tests, not real ones.

We picked up a bit of form but then came Everton, Napoli, City and Chelsea and we couldn’t win one game. Our first real tests of the season and we cocked it up. A very open match against City with poor officiating didn’t mask the fact our attack was shit and could only score three goals against the most expensive team in the league and our shitty defence was back to leaking goals. And Chelsea didn’t park the bus and played for a draw – oh no, Arsenal were just too shit to break them down.

But then Arsenal were back to winning games and keeping their noses ahead at the top of the league. It surely wasn’t going to last and we were right. A draw to Southampton, something you would never see the amazing City do (oh right…), and we had given up our spot at the top of the league. We had thrown in the towel. It was over.

City had been blasting past teams all season with an incredible attack and unbreachable defence and Arsenal have just been doing enough to scrape by right? Arsenal winning 10 games by 2 goals to nil is just a lucky coincidence and does not demonstrate an incredibly professional outfit that has a wonderful balance between attack and defence.

Arsenal could have capitalised on their good fortune by signing a world-class striker who is going to get the sort of goals that Aguero and Suarez get but instead we allowed all of those players to move to other clubs because we were too tight.

Diego Costa of Atletico Madrid was available right? He has been showing what a consistent goal-getter he is for at least 6 months now. Remember when Baptista did the same? That was proof he would score 30 goals a season in an unfamiliar league right? I mean Soldado has just been banging them in. Costa was definitely worth £40m and he would have jumped at the chance to place for Arsenal, especially as Atletico are having such a tough time. They would have parted with him in a heartbeat, it’s not like they are trying to win the title or anything.

Moneybags Monaco lost Falcao recently and they did what Arsenal were unable to do and find world-class talent in January, dispelling the myth, by signing that 50 goal a season man from Fulham, Berbatov.

So in short, Arsenal have a striker who doesn’t score like Suarez, Aguero or Berbatov. They are 21 goals behind City, 6 of which City scored in one game against Arsenal (also meaning Arsenal conceded only 15 goals in 23 other matches) and despite losing to City and drawing with Chelsea, Arsenal could start tomorrow anything from 1 point behind City or up to 2 points ahead and this is after 24 games not 4.

So considering all of that and adding in the weak squad have got to this point, the lack of goals and no new striker signing, low expectations, worst squad in 20 years, misfiring striker, lack of spending and pointless sharing of goals around the team, yes – Arsenal are a joke and what a funny joke they are. I’m looking forward to the punchline.

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About "" - 509 Posts

I am a South London born Gooner now living in Leigh-On-Sea, Essex. I'm a husband, daddy, podcaster, trainer enthusiast and aspiring author. My work is my passion and for that I will always be grateful. Here is where I write my thoughts and views on Arsenal Football Club, the greatest team the world has ever seen.

16 Responses to “Arsenal are a joke”

  1. Darian Davids says:

    I love this blog, between, the pundits, some fans,opposition fans some ex players we have been counted out from first the top4 now winning the league, we managed to finish in the top4 when nobody believed we could, maybe just maybe we could go on and win the league. I don’t even get upset anymore when they say we have no chance. Hopefully come May we will get the respect we deserve

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Thanks for your comment. I don’t get annoyed by the pundits much any more but I do despair at how pessimistic some of our fans can be. I saw people within minutes of our 2-2 draw saying City have won the league and we’ll finish 4th. Come tomorrow morning they could wake up with us 2 points clear at the top.

  2. swazigooner says:

    You seem to know a LOT for a MANCITY fan

  3. Sensational Arsenal says:


    All I know is, Southampton is just another example of how shit we are. If we had won against Southampton, Shiek City, Chelsea, Manure, Everton, West Brom, Villa, we would be miles ahead of everyone else. If Falcao or Suarez was here, we would have a bigger goal difference than shiek city, the referees will be nice towards us and I can wank over which expensive player we have in our squad. It is all Wenger’s fault that I am not able to have a decent wank over Costa.

  4. Paul Collins says:

    I saw the headline and came to this blog expecting the worst. Instead I found a humorous and intelligent blog. Well played, sir. You have won another regular reader!

    I saw another blog recently that said that morale among Arsenal fans was at “an all-time low” due to our failure to sign a big name player this January. My goodness, how old is that person? I can remember the 70’s when we finished close to the relegation zone in three consecutive seasons. My father was one of just under 7,000 people at a game at Highbury in the dire 60’s.

    I wonder how the history books will view this chapter in Arsenal’s history in another 50 years (i.e. 2005-2013). Far from being negative, I wonder if this chapter of our clubs history will instead read something along the lines of “despite having virtually no disposable income, and competing against clubs with almost limitless funds, Arsene Wenger retained Arsenal’s place at the top table of English Football, laying the foundations for the glorious years that followed”. Let’s hope so, huh?

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Thanks for your comment, and welcome on board 🙂 I think we’ll laugh about this “barren run” in a few years time. Hopefully we win the title this year and everyone says “oh, now I get why we went through all of that. It was so we could *win* the title, not buy it”.

    • Ken says:

      Laying the foundations for when? 2015. Don’t you think the time for laying the foundations have passed by and now we should start using the money derived to buy quality players or is it that you still believe money is not available. I have just read of the new Puma deal and Wenger’s deal.
      May be more money is poured into administrative staff rather than on players.
      If as you say, you have been watching AFc for so long, then i am sure that you must have recognised a pattern in Wenger’s thinking. That is ,if we buy a striker then that would impede on Giroud’s development. It would be a ‘sacrilege’ for Wenger. In fact we should wait for our so called striker to be ready to match the exigencies of the EPL , even if that means another couple of years. Same applies for Sonogo. No striker, even in the coming summer. It is all about Wenger’s philosophy. Our only hope remains in the capacity of the midfield to fill up for Giroud’s inefectiveness and alas against the top teams , our mid field is completely neutralised. At least against Mancity, Theo had the pace to get trough.
      So there lies the question, how far will Wenger persist in his bloody convictions? Does it mean that he has to go for the team to lift a trophy? Because surely you cannot stay put even after losing Theo. I think it is high time he walks up at boardroom level, as it is clear that his decisions are no more rational. May be more egoistic, excentric, business centered, and risky as in the Karlstrom disaster.
      Thumb me down as many times as you want! Facts , statistics and patterns do not lie, circumstances may change but very few people adapt to them, others like Wenger will always react in the same way unless they dig deep into themselves and analyse how their past decisions have infered on the outcomes and the results. Well I guess it is too late for Wenger to change. Bad luck for AFC.

    • Daniel Cowan says:

      Sounds to me like you are just angry and are looking for someone to blame. Do you ever take time to step back and look at what you truly know or what you think you know based on media and mob mentality?

      I used to get very angry about Arsenal and made many of the same complaints you made until my wife asked me what I truly knew and asked why I let myself get angry over things I haven’t even bothered to look for reasons for.

      Laying the foundations for when? 2015. Don’t you think the time for laying the foundations have passed by and now we should start using the money derived to buy quality players

      We have laid basic foundations for the past two years but it has been hard as we were starting from a position where our best players, the players who should have been our cornerstones left. Regardless of the reasons they left, they left and it hurt us.

      May be more money is poured into administrative staff rather than on players.

      You surely cannot believe this?

      you must have recognised a pattern in Wenger’s thinking. That is ,if we buy a striker then that would impede on Giroud’s development. It would be a ‘sacrilege’ for Wenger.

      I am not Wenger Out or AKB – I judge the performance of the team and the man. There are many things I praise Wenger for, also there are things I criticise him for. Look through my archives, you will see I have criticised Wenger many times for his stance on not wanting to “kill” players but I think you are wrong here. That mentality is lent to young players not players in their prime. If Wenger thinks he can do better (you have to consider formation, tactics etc, not just the individual talent) for Arsenal than Giroud he will try to buy that player as was evidenced in the summer in the Suarez pursuit. That was a monumental cock-up, for reasons we do not know for sure, but it doesn’t mask the fact that Wenger identified a player he wanted and went after him.

      Our only hope remains in the capacity of the midfield to fill up for Giroud’s inefectiveness

      I think this skewed view is why so many people are wrongly mistrustful of Giroud and place little faith in him. Our midfield is not counteracting Giroud’s “ineffectiveness” – the midfield is doing the job they are supposed to do. Giroud is doing the job he is supposed to do. He might not always play the final ball but he is involved in most of our goals through clever movement and positional sense. Too often people judge players purely on what they do with the ball. Barcelona under Guardiola did most of their best work off the ball. Yes it would be nice for a further supplement of goals from Giroud but he is doing the front pivot role very well. Ox’s first goal against Palace came from a great ball from Santi and Alex’s good touch and cool finish but how did he get into the space? Why was there space for him to run into? Watch the goal again and you will see that three Palace players are trying to cover Giroud and being dragged out of position. Giroud does this all of the time. We played a system that relied purely on the goals of a world-class striker and look where it got us. 4th. 4th. 4th. We share the goals now, every player is responsible for scoring goals and Giroud plays an important part in a lot of them.

      Facts , statistics and patterns do not lie

      They do when they are used from a position of perspective and agenda. Statistics can be used in many ways and often people who do not like what the statistics say will use the line “stats aren’t everything” and in a sense the are right. Statistically speaking, this team is more likely to win a trophy than any other team based on points, clean sheets etc etc but people don’t want to hear that because all they think about are new signings. I get the attraction. I used to play football manager games and the only thing I enjoyed was the transfer window. New signings are exciting. But why? It is the anticipation of seeing them play for your team. Well the team we have are doing bloody well. If Arsenal win a trophy this year it will be down to the manager and the team but those with an agenda will claim it was because City fucked up. If we don’t win the title this year people won’t say it was because City were just too good (like the Invincible team were just too good). No, it will be because Wenger fucked up.

      I could use statistics and facts to convince you of my point of view but I’m not going to. A) Because I think you should make up your own mind B) The information is already out there and you can choose to interpret it how you want

      Do yourself a favour though. Take a few steps back and try to consider all of the possibilities and then ask yourself “What do I actually know” and you’ll probably find that like the rest of us it is nothing and then you might realise, as I did, that you are winding yourself up.

  5. maflos says:

    Excellent points. Although it still would have been nice to have another able body in the squad.

    • The Mask of Zorro says:

      When you ask “how long will Wenger stick to his bloody convictions”, I think he has already changed and adapted in recent seasons. Who remembers when he insisted on being able to form a team of young players, who in a couple years will be world beaters. We had limited players above the age of 27, relying on the youth of fabregas, denilson, song, diaby, clichy, vela, djourou etc.
      I think that Wenger has acknowledged that this strategy did not work as these players left just as they were maturing. He abandoned this “bloody conviction” and his past couple of signings have been older and more developed, raising the average age of the team to 25 from 22. He has managed to adapt the squad and perfect the balance of young and raw talent (gnabry, wilshere, the ox) with the mature and experienced (podolski, rosicky, arteta and giroud)

  6. Sphinx37 says:

    I look at arsenal and the players on the field are all business. They adjust to the way the other team plays. Yesterday, against the team that Marenou labels 19 th century football. They were patient, probing, and moving the ball with the acuricy of an old sewing machine. I enjoyed watching the game. And looking forward to many more. Greetings from the USA, Dallas

  7. The Mask of Zorro says:

    I detect a hint of sarcasm…I do agree with you wholeheartedly. Paradoxically, fans have this strange ability to forget and ignore what they choose, and to jump from being fiercely loyal to hatefully disloyal.
    To be perfectly honest I have been speculative at times this season, what with past years crushing my belief. But even so, I think there is always such an over-reaction to bad news or even no news. We had a great end to last season and a strong pre-season so when we lost to aston villa on the first day, it was ridiculous how quickly fans were to jump ship and claim we were done for the season. A bit of patience is required and a dash of realism.

  8. Matt says:

    Can we be considered a joke now?

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